Don’t lose yourself in relationships.

This is something I still struggle with, at age 42. After falling in love I tend to morph into my partner. I’m not using your dad’s name here because, believe it or not, there have been other men in my life before him. And it has always been an issue for me. However, your dad is the best. He encourages me to be me. No expectations or wants, he just loves me. And that is why we have been together for so long and have you.
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I still struggle with this though, regardless of how awesome your dad is so I know it is something within me, something I do, not as a result of the man in my life.
I was watching a Oprah Masterclass with Goldie Hawn on tv the other day. She was talking about her relationship with the man in her life, that she purposefully did not marry. She said they choose to not get married, even though they have children and have been together 30 years, because then she wanted to be this best version of herself for her relationship, and he did too. She worked so support herself because she did not want to depend on a husband to take care of her.
Another person who has this idea about work is someone else I admire, Sarah Jessica Parker. She said something similar in an interview I once read about working while being with her husband, also an actor. She wanted to always support herself. She did not want to put that pressure on her husband to have to do work he did not want to because he had to support her or their family.
I find that idea to be incredible empowering. Supporting yourself.
I grew up with your mamaw at home with us. She took care of us and your papaw. Although she did work for a while at Potter’s in Oak Grove.
My grandma Hutcheson babysat me while she worked sometimes. Wait, I was talking about relationships right…..
I know I feel better when I’m contributing an income. Which I am about to do again, I am job hunting right now. Since I have graduated I’m going to work in the mental health field for a year before I start my master’s degree. I hope seeing me as a worker and contributor to our family income you will grow up with a different view about relationships.

Memorial Day at Mamaw and Papaw’s

We spent the day at Mamaw and PaPaw’s. Papaw grilled for us but you did not like your hot dog “burnt” so you had chicken and french fries, as usual.

After lunch we had more water fun.

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At times like this I feel bad that you don’t have any cousins to play with. Uncle Mike has stepdaughters that are grown. They do have Micah but they live in El Dorado and did not make it in for the holiday. Uncle Jeff has never married.

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You had plenty of fun though. Uncle Jeff is always fun.

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You and Daddy conspiring against Uncle Jeff.

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Back to school tomorrow. It’s your final week of pre-k. Usually you would be out for summer break now but you missed a whole bunch (12 days I think it was) of snow days pushing summer break back. 

Memorial Day

A perfect day to tell you about one of the most moving trips we’ve taken.

We lived in Bear, Delaware and took the train to Washington D.C. where we spent a long weekend. This was not your first visit, we went when you were one year old while Ally was visiting but we did not stay the night. This trip was the summer after your second birthday.

Washington, D.C. has been my favorite trip we have taken. We will definitely go back when you are older. The Smithsonian Museums are something you must see.

But today, I’m thinking about Arlington Cemetery.

Row after row, seemingly endless, of white tombstones. ImageImage

The day before we visited the Vietnam Memorial, which was overwhelming and in stark contrast with it’s names written on black.

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The Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, a sacred space for those soldiers that have fallen and we could not identify them. A soldier stands guard, always.

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However, this is the place that brought me to tears. John F. Kennedy’s grave site. He lays beside his wife, Jaqueline Kennedy and their stillborn daughter and son Patrick, who died at two days. This mother, she knows grief.

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Don’t ever take for granted your freedom. And don’t waste it. These people are here so you can live free.

 

Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day fell on the same weekend as your spring dance recital this year. Saturday afternoon we went and watched you dance ‘on the big stage’ as you call it and then PaPaw treated us to a nice dinner at Olive Garden where Uncle Jeff met us.

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You Love Uncle Jeff.

The Eye Doctor

We spent the day in Memphis yesterday. Your eye appointment was in the afternoon so we went early and spent a few hours at the Wolfchase mall. It has a carousel. You rode it three times, a dragon, pig and reindeer. 

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Your appointment was at 3:30 p.m. and unfortunately, it did not go well. You are more far-sighted than you were and got a new prescription for stronger lenses. Dr. Hoehn even mentioned that word -surgery- again. But, I must say, I haven’t noticed your eye crossing like it was when you had your first surgery so hopefully the new lenses will be enough.

You had your eyes dilated. It is like flipping a switch inside you. You went from happy to grumpy and cantankerous in a few minutes. “Mom, don’t look at me like that.” “Don’t say that.” “Don’t breath.”

We finally left at 5:30 p.m. and you slept most of the way home, thank goodness! Some good advice….Always make appointments for as early in the day as possible. Late appointments are always…late….and staff (and patient) are tired.