Cooper’s Flower

This pink beauty bloomed on Cooper’s 7th birthday, 28 June, 2014. Cooper Catharine Porter.

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I feel like she is sending me a smile. 

28, June 2007 was not a happy day for your mom and dad. Your big sister was stillborn. That means she died in mommy’s belly before she was born. She lived 37 weeks and 6 days. I was going to be induced the next week. I had low amniotic fluid and she had the cord wrapped around her neck, a cord accident it’s called. Her nursery was ready for her to come home from the hospital. I did not go back into her nursery until I began packing for us to move to Tennessee. 

It’s emotional now, I cry as I write. I guess I always will. Think of her every day. Some days it makes me sad but others I’m thankful, the time with her. She broke me. I was broken, my heart in pieces, down on my knees. Now I know I was broken open. Because of her I love you more deeply. I love more. I take no moment for granted. Because of her you are here and you are meant to be in this world.

This I know to be true.

The Practice of Love

This book.
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It’s tiny. 63 pages. Yet powerful. My pink post its already at work.
The Greatest Thing in the World by Henry Drummond.

I believe books come to us in our time of need. Just like people do. Books have souls, don’t you think? A piece of the author or because the author was connected to the creative universe when they wrote it. Just like it is not a coincidence people cross our paths at particular times, books come to us the same way.

“What is the summum bonum-the supreme good?”
LOVE.
Based upon the 13th chapter of 1 Corinthians.
“The spectrum of love has nine ingredients:
Patience…Love suffereth long.
Kindness…And is kind.
Generosity…Love envieth not.
Humility…Love vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up.
Courtesy…Doth not behave itself unseemly.
Unselfishness…Seeketh not its own.
Good temper…Is not provoked.
Guilelessness…Taketh not account of evil.
Sincerity…Rejoiceth not in unrighteousness, but rejoiceth with the truth.
Patince, kindness, generosity, humility, courtesy, unselfishness, good temper, guilessness, sincerity-these make up the supreme gift, the stature of the perfect man.”

Page 25, “The supreme thing, in short, is not a thing at all, but the giving of a further finish to the multitudinous words and acts which make up the sum of every common day.”
Every common day.

“Love rejoiceth not in unrighteousness, but rejoiceth with the truth.”
“I have called this sincerity, from the words rendered in the Authorized Version by ‘rejoiceth in the truth.’ And, certainly, were this the real translation, nothing could be more just; for he who loves will love truth not less than men. He will rejoice in the truth-rejoice not in what he has been taught to believe; not in this churche’s doctrine or in that; not in this ism or in that ism; but “in the truth.” He will accept only what is real; he will strive to get at facts; he will search for truth with a humble and unbiased mind, and cherish whatever he finds at any sacrifice.

At the end Drummond asks, “How many of you will join me in reading this chapter once a week for the next three months?”
I will.

Writing

Mommy’s article in the paper today. No luck finding a job in mental health so I’m making some money this way. Not enough! But it’s money and I do love to write and take pictures. Sometimes I wonder if I’m suppose to be a journalist. It has always been my dream, to be a writer. Since your sister died I have been on this journey of grief and death exploration and have felt a strong pull to be a grief counselor. I have always said I would still write about grief, regardless of my career. Your dad tells me I can be a grief counselor in other ways, I know that is true. I just want to help people.

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