Hair

I finally did a French braid. This is my second attempt and it is not perfect but we are getting there.

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Thanks to you wanting Elsa’s braid you actually let me try things with your hair. You hate for me to mess with your hair so I am very happy!

2 a.m.

I get up at 2 a.m. nightly to let Marlee out of her kennel. I look forward to the 6-month-old birthday when she can make it through the night! But to my surprise these night time forays into the backyard have become something I rather enjoy.
Last night there was a gentle rain falling and an owl hooting. The first time I’ve heard an owl in the wild in many years.

Sharing Hope

I attended my first Share Hope meeting in Jonesboro last night. It was grief workshop, which sounded like something I needed to attend.
After seven years it surprises me how emotional it still is to talk about Cooper’s death. However, I did not feel the mental and physical exhaustion I use to feel after I talked about her, so I feel like I am in a ‘different’ place…finally.

After I was leaving I was talking to a woman I met at the meeting in the parking lot. She lost her son last year and is now pregnant, her baby’s due date is her dead son’s birthday. She told me she gets up to check on her 7-year-old daughter several times during the night, to make sure she is still breathing; that she hasn’t died during the night. Unfortunately, this is a psychosis, because it is disrupting her sleep and her day. She is seeing a counselor but she can’t take sleep medication due to the pregnancy. She told me this because I spoke of my death anxiety during the meeting. That I’m going to die, my daughter is going to die, from anything and everything all the time. I am not naive, I don’t believe it won’t happen to me, I know can it can. It did.
This is why you sleep in my bed. So I can sleep. Otherwise I would be getting up several times during the night to check on you. To make sure someone hasn’t grabbed you, you choked on a toy, stopped breathing, unlocked the door and went outside. Ugh, my brain….
Your dad and I were talking about this when I got home, how it was nice (nice? really) for me to know someone else has this type of ‘craziness.’ But he worries what I am doing to you.

Going to the meeting reaffirmed my desire to be a grief counselor. This is my work.

A Day That God Has Made

Today was splendid, a cool breeze, no humidity, temperatures in the 70’s. A welcome change from high humidity making it muggy and feel like 100 in the shade the last few days. Sweating in the shade days, I call them.
The weather meant my Facebook was full of “thankful for this beautiful day God has made.”
So if God made this beautiful day then it follows that God made the day full of deadly tornadoes, made the flash floods that drown people, made the Earth quakes, the lightening, the tsunamis….
You can’t attribute the good without the bad. I don’t know, is that the way God works? I find it so confusing.

Summer

This is one of your mom’s favorite summer foods.

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Fried bologna and fresh out of the garden tomatoes. And I must have chips, preferably with Lay’s sour cream and onion chips but all I had today was plain.
I look forward to having this all winter. I just have to wait until Papaw has ripe tomatoes in his garden.

Happy 4th of July