This happened at lunch today.
“Cadyn needs a math tutor this summer.” I said.
“WHY? I’m not a tooter, I don’t toot all the time!” Cadyn said.
My first-born daughter would have been 8 years old today. She was stillborn almost exactly thirty minutes ago…8 years ago.
My husband and I have the same conversation about her every year, “Wonder how different our life would be if she had lived?” I pretty sure we would never have moved to Maryville, Tennessee. We hated living in Greenville, MS, but I don’t think we would have moved with a 3-month-old. Although, my husband did point out we moved to Delaware with a 4-month-old. If we had not moved to Maryville, Harry would not have gotten his friend, Brian, a job there. Buckeye would never have been moved to Tennessee. Maybe we would have ended up in a different state at some point and loved it and never moved to Delaware. Never met my friends there, missed out on our trips to the ocean….so many good things in Delaware. Maybe we would never have come back to Paragould and then landed in Searcy.
My mom thinks I would have had Cooper and Cadyn, but what if we still would have had only one child. That I cannot even fathom.
And I certainly would not be about to attend graduate school in the fall. She has had such a wonderful impact on many lives, most especially mine.
This flower bloomed 28 June, 2014 at the house we lived in Paragould. Cooper’s flower. I hope it bloomed today again this year. I miss this flower. I will plant one at our new house.
Today has been a day of memories but I try to keep looking forward… keep moving forward.